What Makes A Man
by candyflavordlies
Summary: Even superheroes, no, especially superheroes, need a shoulder to lean on. And someone to tell them when they're right, when they're wrong, and when maybe they're being a megalomaniac. Tony Stark isn't perfect, but Pepper's working on it. Series of oneshots.
1. Coming Home

When Happy drops them at the mansion, when they're in the safety of soundproof glass and one way windows, Pepper's stoic façade starts to crack. Tony is staring blankly, not quite recognizing the place he's in. He remembers it, knows it's his house but he's been gone so long, too long.

He's concerned to see a suitcase, stacks of books, pillows and blankets on his couch. All so neatly organized that it could only be Pepper's.

He turns to her suddenly.

"Have you been sleeping on my couch?"

She looks down, wringing her hands as she wills herself not to cry.

"I knew that you'd try to contact Jarvis. And someone needed to look after the mansion, just in case..."

She hates that her voice cracks. She hates that she can't look him in the eye. Can't touch him, hold him, squeeze him and tell him how much he scared her.

He reaches up suddenly, strong fingers tilting her chin up. The first tear falls.

"Hey," he whispers softly. "I'm okay." He takes one of her hands in his, guiding it to his cheek and then his hair. He lets her run delicate fingers through it and it doesn't take long before the other hand joins in, glancing over his shoulders and arms, looking for any signs of distress.

Tony doesn't usually _do_ touching but he needs this as much as she does. He needs to know he's needed, wanted, missed. He needs to know he came back for something other than his old life.

It's to his great surprise that instead of comforting her, he's actually managed to make her cry. The tears are streaming freely now and the sniffles are small but frequent. Her fingers are back in his hair, clenching and unclenching and she's trying her best to look anywhere but at him.

Before the thought even registers, his arms are wrapped around Pepper, holding her close, holding her steady. She buries her face in his neck and shakes her head.

"I was so scared. They said you were..." Pepper can't bring herself to finish the sentence. She'd never believed them anyway and so she'd waited.

"If I'd known getting kidnapped was all it took go get you to move in..."

"That isn't funny Mr. Stark." Tony thinks it is, if only because he kind of means it. Granted, he could have done without the shrapnel in his chest, and without the death and explosions and the general unpleasantness, but for the most part, he means it.


	2. Bitter

It isn't that Pepper doesn't let him cook. She hasn't outright said anything but he sees the way her mouth tightens when he so much as looks at a bag of rice. He sees the sheen of barely suppressed tears as she turns away and pretends to look out the window. It isn't once or twice, or even three times. It's every moment he's ever stepped into a kitchen, any kitchen and she freezes up.

He's sorry then, sorry for ruining something so simple, sorry for making that stupid omelet instead of opening his mouth. He's sorry that he's taken this one thing and made it impossible for them both. He'll never be able to make a romantic dinner for her or bake her a birthday cake. And he'll never get the chance to make her breakfast in bed like he's dreamed of since the moment they first met.

Tony is sorry about a lot of things, but he regrets not telling her he loved her most of all.


	3. The Promise

He thinks about her when he's straddling the border of North and South Korea, trying his very best not to get shot out of the air. He thinks about her when he faces off with a tank in Africa. He thinks about her when he's the only thing standing between protesters and AK-47s in Afghanistan.

He thinks about her as he pulls a .52 caliber bullet from his suit behind an abandoned car in Detroit.

He thinks about her when he dislocates his shoulder while fending off an out of control 18 wheeler.

He thinks about her because he worries. Worries that she doesn't worry the way he does. He worries that one day he won't be fast enough, smart enough, strong enough to make it back to her.

He worries that she worries. That she knows how this will end just like he does and he's scared to think that one day, one day he'll be gone and she'll hate him for it.

And so he makes his duty, his right, his promise, his whole reason for being that no matter what, he'll make it back to her.

And as he tries his very best to save the world, he remembers to always think of her.


	4. Hideaway

The Iron Man suit clinks as the automatic arms dismantle it. He takes his time walking down the stairs, mostly because it hurts like hell but partially because he's so very tired.

But he can't sleep.

Peace never comes so he spends hours holed up in his lab until the next emergency comes banging down his door.

He's just too tired.

Tony shuffles heavily to the bedroom. He tries to be as quiet as possible as he pushes the door open but Pepper isn't sleeping. She's propped up in the bed reading an hones tot god book instead of investment reports or contracts or whatever work that makes it home. She's smiles up at him and the world feels a little brighter for it.

"Hi."

He gives up his creeping now that there isn't a need. "Hi. I thought you had a meeting first thing in the morning?" He shucks his pants but can't be bothered with anything else. He falls face first into the mountain of covers on his bed. _Their_ bed.

"I rescheduled." Pepper runs her fingers through his hair gently. He feels like he's melting. He hums a little and scoots closer.

"Does that mean we get to stay in late?"

"All day." Tony lifts his head to stare at her through one open eye then smiles gently.

"Playing hooky?"

"Of course not, Mr. Stark." Pepper tugs on his hair gently. He slides up until he's lying next to her. He lays his head in her lap, smiling happily when she begins messaging his scalp. "But as always, my number one priority is taking care of you."

He wraps his arms around her waist and squeezes her to him. "You're insanely good at it."

"I've had _years_ of practice."

They never say 'I love you', never fall into mushy pet names or overly sweet confessions. It's so out of place in their lives that it feels insincere to do it now. She's always taking care of him, saving him, giving him something to live for each and every day. He doesn't know if she knows that and he thinks it's worth saying.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." The words are said into her stomach and muffled by layers of covers but she knows what he says and what he means.


	5. Count Your Sins Instead of Sheep

_**Count Your Sins Instead of Sheep**_

Nine is the number of friends he's lost today.

One is the place Pepper should have held in his life.

Thousands is the number of lives lost since he's taken up the mantle of Ironman.

Millions is the number of lives ruined.

He counts them all, sitting in his lonely tower, waiting for no phones to ring, waiting for no friends to call. Let all his sins be remembered, write them in the dust that settles over New York, Sokovia, Vienna, Wakanda.

He counts them all until the sun is rising over the new, now old Avengers complex because who will save this world when everyone in it is an outlaw? Who will say what's right or wrong when the compass has lost true north?

Not him, his conscious says and Tony wholeheartedly agrees.

Not him.


	6. Adjustments

**Author's Note:** Takes place after The Avengers Pt I

 _ **Adjustments**_

Pepper doesn't know how to deal with it, so she doesn't. She takes a page from Tony's book on aversion and just doesn't talk about it. She refuses to speak to the press or him or Happy and she just keeps it all in. She knows he's doing the same and it kills her because he's doing it for her.

She isn't at all prepared to love a superhero.

She doesn't know what to say to him or how to help so she runs his company and his life and let's him tinker for hours because it's the only time she hears him talk anymore. It's like he's scared of his voice, of the things he's said, of what he is.

Steve stopped by and introduced himself, like a true gentleman and tried to apologize. And instead of wallowing in it, an apology from Mr. America, as Tony likes to call him, he just nods and waves it off and he won't look Steve in the eyes.


End file.
